On Fighting Patriarchy at the Gym

In general and specific terms

Note: While all of my posts are, for now, free, I am making much of this one paywalled due to the fact that it’s a personal and vulnerable story I share, and I feel weird about putting the specifics on the internet. Especially as it’s “actively unfolding” as they say. Sorry to be vague, and thank you for considering supporting my work!

For no particular reason at all, I’ve been extra ragey toward men in general lately. I’m decentering them in every micro way I can think of, or Tiktok can provide me tips for; like not smiling at them like ever, not yielding to them on the sidewalk (women typically are the ones to get out of the way in this instance, but not me, anymore), glaring with disgust when one of them yells someone at me on my walks, etc. And definitely not taking my earbuds out of my ears when one feels free to interject with a comment or mansplaining episode during my workouts.

Ever since the inauguration, I’ve been actively working to change my mindset when it comes to the gym and fitness, from working out to get smaller (an inclination I’ve been battling my whole life, thanks ballet and diet culture!) to working out to fight nazis and fascists. Decidedly more motivating!

This past month, that mindset was put to the test thanks to a particularly frustrating, disgusting encounter with some MAGA bros at my local gym (which I just joined after being on a gym hiatus ever since the pandemic. Until this instance, it was feeling really good to be back!)

At our tiny local gym, think, hotel gym sized…a couple of guys — one old, one younger, stamped with american flag tattoos, t-shirts, and a whole lotta unwarranted entitlement, started blasting their music through an external speaker. Oru gym is tiny — unfortunately — barely larger than a hotel gym, so their music filled the room with ear splitting tacky yacht rock and lots of ACDC. It was disruptive, obnoxious, and totally distracting.

The experience, which would soon escalate (read on!) got me thinking about I’ve worked out for years, religiously, at literally dozens of gyms across America and the world, and how long it’s taken me to feel confident in these spaces as a woman. Like, a decade. It’s something I know many, many women still struggle with — and for good reason. We’re subject to creepy stares, constant verbal harassment and mansplaining from bro douches who think they know better than us and are entitled to share their unwanted and often patently incorrect feedback, etc. It’s exhausting. We have to put up with dudes making us feel ogled, objectified, less than, and like we don’t belong — no matter if we’re lifting heavier and with better form them them (because it’s alway the guys CRANKING their necks doing deadlifts or pull downs incorrectly, with the most “advice”!)